1. |
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Alphabeatification of New Zealand
An Act of Self-Defenestration
Cartoon Rap
Don't Forget to Feed It
Fred and Toody
Hoki Mai
Hold on to the Rail
It's Short for “AnUS”
Leather on Willow
My Friend Karl
New Zealand
Number Cool
O, Beverley
On the Road
There are Zombies on Your Lawn
To See You Bleed
What My Uncle Mike's Like When He's Not Down the Back of the Farm on His Bike.
(Author's Note: At the time of writing this song it was the track list – intending to be some sort of introduction to the album. I've since swapped Hold on to the Rail with I'm Gonna Rip Your Insides Out and I Wish I Had Big Lips. Couldn't be bothered altering the voal track.)
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2. |
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She files her nails
Tries to picture you
But she fails
She can't remember you.
She rolls down her nylons
Smears her arse with lube
As she's analed
She tries to picture you.
You open the window
Leap from your view
As your limbs flail
She remembers you.
You dumb-arse
mother-fucker,
You played it like a sucker.
No pro will fall for you,
You have to pay to get to fuck her.
Of all the cowboys she has fucked -
A million waiting to be sucked.
She'd stop it just for you?
You stupid little fucking jew.
With your shrivilled little prick -
Two inches long and one inch thick.
Of all the men she'd fall for you?
That chick'd never be yo' bitch.
You think that she'd remember you?
Her what – 3 millionth boring screw?
You're just some jerk she sees at work
Or she would never talk to you.
You're unmanly and pathetic,
A piece of stinking shit.
You don't mean a thing to her,
You're just an ATM with a dick.
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3. |
Cartoon Rap
01:50
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4. |
Don't Forget to Feed It
02:21
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This is a true story of a young female junkie.
She had a newborn baby but didn't count herself lucky.
She spent all her money on booze and barbiturates.
She forgot to feed that baby because she was far too out of it.
She forgot to feed it.
She bought a German Shepherd for their safety and protection.
A full-grown ex-Police Dog that would attack at her discretion.
She went out one night to make money off the mean streets.
She left the dog to guard the baby – but of course she forgot to feed it.
She forgot to feed it.
When she returned home that night the dog was waiting patiently.
Blood dripping from it's mouth – but no sight of the baby.
Only part of its brain in a tiny eggshell skull.
Of course the dog ate the baby – because dogs get hungry as well.
She forgot to feed it.
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5. |
Fred & Toody
03:54
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It would come as no surprise
If I were to die before my prime.
There is no known disguise
When that acid distorts your mind.
My body's just a carrier for my soul
My sou feeds off rock 'n' roll.
No need to be civilised
When you lead a life that reads like rhyme.
If you could only see through my eyes
There'd be no need for you to fantasize.
It would be no healthy sign
If I were to die before my time.
And no one should sympathise
If the drugs I take fucked up my mind.
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6. |
Hoki Mai
02:39
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7. |
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No one is ever pleased to meet you
Rather see your bones severed from their meat and sinew
You fiddle with kids under Grafton Bridge
Which is why I must defeat you.
No creature exists beneath you
Your existence must discontinue
If your parents marriage had borne miscarriage I wouldn't have to kill you.
I wanna hear you scream and shout
See you roll and writhe about
Produce from your brain
A blood-gushing spout
I'm gonna rip your insides out.
Do to you what you can't undo
Corrupted file I will delete you
Disgrace to the race - your mass a waste of space
I'll erase your face – I'll be happy to.
Set you in a cage at Hilldale Zoo
Let the kids throw rocks at you
Masses will amass to harass zoon pederast
Before blasting his ass to the dark side of the moon.
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8. |
It's Short for "AnUS"
03:41
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HIS NECK GLOWS RED
RADIATES ULTRA-VIOLENT PRIDE
SUPPORTS SMALL ONE-EYED HEAD
INSIDE TWO FRIED BRAINCELLS COLLIDE
NO NEED FOR COGNITIVE
THOUGHT PROCESS – JUST MAKES
CONFUSION HARDER TO HIDE
ZEALOUSLY HE EMANATES SUCCESS
HELPS TO BELIEVE HIS OWN LIES
HIS OBESITY AN ADMIN. FEE
FROM A LAND WHOSE
CURRENCY IS LIVES
DIVINE IGNORANCE OF BLOOD STILL WET ACROSS THIS WHITE MAN'S GREAT
DIVIDE
ABSURD TO NOT COUNT KOORI HEAD
TO DEFINE GENOCIDE
GREEN AND GOLD
STARS AND STRIPES
PEER THROUGH YOUR
SWASTIKA EYES
AT DOWNUNDER
STAR-SPANGLED NIGHT
SUCH A GLORY-MONGER
ONLY WINNING MAKES HIM SATISFIED
HE'LL NEVER KNOW HUNGER
UNTIL THE MUSLIM OVERRIDE
WISH HE COULD SENSE HUMBLENESS
ASIDE FROM WHICH IS SELF-GRATIFIED
SUPERCILIOUSNESS COMES NATURALLY – INHERENT IN
HIS CULTURAL LIFE
HE ONLY TAKES MORE – NEVER LESS
HE MUST POSSESS
MEASURE SUCCESS FROM WHAT YOU POSSESS
NOT FROM THE THOUGHTS YOU HOLD INSIDE
DISLOYAL AND SUPERFLUOUS
ARE THOSE WHO PHILOSOPHISE
AUS
IT'S SHORT FOR
“AnUS”
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9. |
I Wish I Had Big Lips
02:26
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10. |
Leather on Willow
04:44
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I'M HITTING FROM THE MIDDLE
THRU NATURAL MOTION OF MY FEET
DRIVING COVERS PYRAMIDAL
FEEL NO URGE TO PLAY THE SWEEP
I WISH I COULD REMAIN
IN THIS ZONE FOR EVER
I FEEL THAT I COULD SCORE
AT MY WILL AND MY LEISURE
SILLY POINT RESULTS IN LITTLE
BOWLER DISHES UP A TREAT
FINALLY SOLVED THE WRONG'UN RIDDLE – MY TIMING'S JUST SO
SWEET
THEIR CAPTAIN FEELS BELITTLED
THE FIELDERS OBSOLETE
NEXT BALL CLEARS THE LONG-ON BOUNDARY
TO MAKE MY WAGON-WHEEL COMPLETE
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11. |
My Friend Karl
02:28
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KARL FELL ASLEEP ON THE CROSS
JESUS CAN'T REDEEM SUCH A LOSS
I TOLD HIM “DON'T YOU SLEEP
KARL PLEASE DON'T SLEEP ON THAT CROSS”
I THREAPED THAT HE WAS WEAK
IF HE THOUGHT HE HAD TO
SLEEP ON THAT CROSS
MARY-JO CHRIST IS CROSS
MY FRIEND KARL
A PRIEST TOSSED OFF
BEHIND THE REREDOS
AS KARL FELL ASLEEP ON THE CROSS
INHERIT IGNORANCE THE MEEK
I KNEW THAT FUCKING
BITCH REEKED OF CROSS
MARY-JO CHRIST IS CROSS
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12. |
New Zealand
02:55
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(Opening narrative:)
Everyone in New Zealand, I want you to stop what you're doing and pay attention please.
Get off that sheep, put down that P-shooter, or stop wrestling with wild pigs.
I want you to get up and clap your hands in time with the music, and when the chorus comes along put down the bong and sing along because this is your song.
Kia Kaha sisters and brothers – ever be strong.
This is our time, our hour.
See us shine, feel the power, join our song.
In the words of our sagacious friend David Kilgour “ three million people can't be wrong”.
Our land is clean and green, 100% pure. If your country is diseased, NZ may be the cure.
There's no pollution here. We've trained the cows not to fart. Your lungs will love our atmosphere, nobody drives cars.
Crime does not exist upon these shaky isles. No murderer, no rapist, certainly no paedophiles.
So everyone can feel safe in sweet slice of paradise, because no one is a victim if no one has a vice.
This is our utopia, New Zealand
- Aotearoa, New Zealand.
He globes boundary rider is this place of my birth. No 5%er outsiders inhabit this Middle Earth.
We all live in harmony. We love one another. Whether Pakeha or Maori or Indian dairy owner.
This land's a sight for sore eyes. The scene's verdant and fecund. Birds and bees still fill the skies and all the children have fun.
The water's still pure of taste. The only thing dirty's the dirt. No threat from nuclear waste. No pain 'cause no one gets hurt.
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13. |
Number Cool
01:44
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?
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14. |
O, Beverley
04:49
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BEVERLEY COUGHS BEZOAR
LOCKS HER FRONT DOOR
THE SKY TURNS BROWN
AS SHE WALKS TO TOWN
THE TOWN IS “GORE”
IT'S HER FOURTH DAY
AND SHE'S LATE FOR WORK
IT'S ALMOST FOUR
HER CAT IS DEAD
A NEIGHBOUR LURKS
HE SHOUTS “FAT WHORE!”
(TO OUR POOR)
BEVERLEY
O LOVELESS BEVERLEY
BEVERLEY
LIFE'S STEATOPYGOUS PARODY
GINGERLY SHE TREADS TOWARD
THE PART OF TOWN
WHERE LAW'S IGNORED
TAUNTS ARE FIRED FROM STINGING
SWARMS OF POISON LIPS
THAT SELDOM MISS
A BUM THRUSTS OUT HIS COCK TO PISS
AND THE HE SPITS
(AT OUR POOR...)
FEVERISH JEERS INCITE A PUSH
NOW SHE'S ON HER ARSE
MYOPIC LEERS, PITIFUL TEARS, AGGRESSIVEGLASS
AMONG THE CROWD A FAT KID
AND HIS MOTHER LAUGH
THE CROWD CHIMES IN
WITH SMART REMARKS
WHILE ADRIFT IN HER OWN LARD'S (OUR...)
FINALLY SHE'S SAFE AT WORK
FREE OF STENTOR
EVEN THOUGH FREAKISHLY FAT
HERE SHE'S ADORED
NEVER BEFORE HAD WORDS OF PRAISE ADDRESSED HER UBIQUITOUS
FORM
BLUE CAMERA ROLLS
HER DRESS IS RAISED
FOUR BIG BLACK STUDS
MAKE LOVE ALL WAYS
(TO OUR DEAR)
BEVERLEY
O LOVELY BEVERLEY
BEVERLEY
LOVE'S STEATOPYGOUS FECUNDITY
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15. |
On the Road
04:11
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DO YOU FEEL THE URGE TO HIT THE ROAD
DON'T YOU WANNA SEE THE LAND UNFOLD
LIKE A VISION SHIMMERING LIKE GOLD
MEET THE PEOPLE WHOSE
STORIES MUST BE TOLD
IT'S ALL OUT THERE WAITING FOR YOU
LIKE A DREAM WAITING TO COME TRUE
IF YOU WANNA DISCOVER WHERE Y'R' FROM
THEN ON THE ROAD IS WHERE YOU BELONG
TAKE A LOAD AND HIT THE ROAD
IT'S JUST LIKE YOU'VE BEEN TOLD
IT'S JUST LIKE YOU'VE BEEN SOLD
SOLD YOUR SOUL TO THE ROAD
DO YOU SENSE THE CRAZINESS IN THIS
DO YOU SENSE THAT IT'S FUTILE TO RESIST
THE ROAD NEEDS YOU OR Y'LL BE MISSED
LIKE A WOMANS' LIPS NEED TO BE KISSED
THERE'LL BE NO NEED TO FEEL ALONE
YOU NEEDN'T TAKE THAT DAMNED MOB. PH.
JUST LEAVE THE NEST THAT YOU CALL HOME
AND SWALLOW FATE AND BITE THE ROAD
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16. |
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17. |
To See You Bleed
04:53
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I CUT YOUR LEFT BREAST
I SEE BLOOD GUSHING DOWN TO THE FLOOR
I HACK AT YOUR BACK
AS YOU DESPERATELY RUN FOR THE DOOR
YOU FALL TO YOUR KNEES AND
YOU MOAN LIKE A CHEAP DRUNKEN WHORE
YOU PRAY TO YOUR GOD AND
I LAUGH AS YOU'RE BEING IGNORED
TO SEE YOU BLEED
I NAIL YOUR ARMS TO A WALL AND
I GRIN AT YOUR PAIN
YOUR SCREAMS PLEASE MY EARS
SO I CUT YOU AND CUT YOU AGAIN
BLOOD GUSHES FORTH
CRIMSON RIBBONS OF BEAUTIFUL RAIN
I ADORE YOUR RED MEAT AS I
PONDER THE TASTE OF YOUR BRAIN
TO SEE YOU BLEED
I RIP OFF YOUR SCALP WEAR YOUR DRESS DON YOUR RED HAIR
I LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND
IT'S YOU THAT I SEE STANDING THERE
YOU LOOK SO VERY PRETTY AND
I KNOW WHY I INVITED YOU HERE
I'M HOLDING THE RAZOR
BLOOD-RED GRIN FROM EAR TO EAR
TO SEE YOU BLEED
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18. |
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DO YOU LIKE BEER
DO YOU LIKE TO SKULL IT
DO YOU LIKE YOUR HAIR
IN THE STYLE OF A MULLET
WOULD YOU GO A PIE
OVER A BANANA
DO YOU IMPRESS THE GUYS
DRIVING YOUR TORANA
DO YOU STILL PLAY RUGBY
EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE 45
THINK YA MIGHT GET LUCKY
IF THE BARMAID'S 69
DO YOU PLAY THE POKIES
IS YOUR BUMCRACK HAIRY
LICKING HOKEY POKEY
FROM DONALDSON'S DAIRY
DO YOU LIKE BIG BITCHES
DRAG THEM INTO DITCHES
DO YOU LIKE FIGHTING AND
BITING AND STITCHES
IF THESE THINGS MIGHT
BE LIKE THINGS YOU LIKE
THEN YOU MIGHT LIKE
MY UNCLE MIKE
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